LIZARDS MUST DIE Slay lizards for the glory of the ancestors

The game supports co-op for up to four players, and that is the best way to play it. You each pick a hero, drop into a mission from the menu, and start clearing waves of lizards and aliens together. Coordination matters more than you would expect: the later missions throw enough enemies at you that going in carelessly gets you flattened, and the final mission chains fifteen waves back to back. Surviving that with friends feels like beating a proper boss fight. Between the absurd dialogue and the special move names, there is plenty to laugh at while you fight shoulder to shoulder.

You choose between three blessed warriors. Radislav Bagirov fights with sword and shield, described in the game's own words as a thunderstorm of common sense. Vseslav the Sorcerer wields two swords and is the fastest and most dexterous of the three. Drocheslav son of Sergeus carries a berdysh, a heavy two-handed axe, and legends are told about his vitality. Each hero has fast attacks, heavy attacks and combos, plus a signature special move with a name you will not forget: GOIDA, Slavic chest shot, blow from the turntable, the fraternal onslaught of the Slavs. Combat is fast and frantic, with dodge rolls that give it a souls-like shape.

The game is built on the meme of a secret war between Ancient Rus and reptiloids, and it plays the premise completely straight, which is where the comedy comes from. The story claims to be based strictly on scientific documents. You defend Baikalsk, the Republic of Tyva and Hyperborea from the green plague, drink healing Baikal water mid-battle, and hold festivities for the glory of Yarila after victory. The dialogue is fully voice acted, and the delivery is a running joke in itself. Logs are rendered in 8 polygons minimum, and the game tells you so. The phonk soundtrack pounding under the fights ties the whole absurd package together.